I've never
by Algazoth
Summary: Rose, Ten and the TW gang. Drinking games in the Hub. Bordering on crack!fic. In my defense, I was bored


**Disclaimer:** Yes, yes.**  
Timeline:** Impossible due to Rose being there. Though set early in TW season 2, simply because Owen is obviously not a Zed…**  
Summary:** Rose, Ten and the TW gang. Drinking games in the Hub. Bordering on crack!fic.

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One rare Friday evening in a secret underground base far below the Roahl Dahl Plass in Cardiff, a gathering of old and new friends found themselves around a table, drinking.

--

"Ooh, I've got a good one!" Rose laughed. "I've never... had a threesome!" She grinned and stuck the tip of the tongue between her teeth.

"Really Rosie, you call that a good one?" Jack rolled his eyes and then downed what was left in his glass.

Owen smiled at her over the edge of his pint. Ianto mumbled something about university and blushed a little when Jack raised an inquisitive eyebrow and smirked in his direction.

Rose turned her head to the left and Owen only paused a second to think it over. "I've never shagged an alien" she quickly stated, smiling back at her with a slightly questioning look.

Jack happily started on another vodka while Rose took a gulp of her beer. Tosh visibly slid an inch further down on her chair, sipping a red coloured drink. A noisy slurp could be heard from the Doctors straw when he finished his last in a row of banana daiquiris. Only Gwen and Ianto left their glasses sitting on the table.

"I knew I wasn't wrong about the whole "_welcome aboard, hands off the blonde"_ thing!" The Captain happily exclaimed, pointing accusingly at Rose and then the Doctor.

"Weeell… at that time we hadn't _'danced'_, if that's what you're implying. As I remember it, Rose didn't even think I could." The Doctor stated with a slightly hurt expression.

"Doctor! I took it back, didn't I?" Rose quickly quipped.

"Quite right too…" came the mumbled reply, the doctor slowly sipping his drink.

Jack turned to whisper secretly to Rose.

"Is he as good as he says then?" he quietly asked with a smile.

"Oh, better! And that's not even counting after the whole Bad Wolf incident."

"Huh? What's that got to do with sex?" Jack asked with a quizzing expression.

"Well, you know how I told you the mind link thingy is lethal to humans when... you know..?"

"Yeah?" He remembered that discussion well. It was about a week after the visit to Raxacoricofallapatorius, where they dropped of Blon.

"Not to me, not anymore." Rose said, winking.

"Oh, _yeah?_" Jack looked very interested at this.

"Yeah" Rose replied nodding knowingly, eyes wide. "Very _Spock_."

"Jack!" Owen shouted over the various discussions that filled the room. "We're not getting any younger here."

"Does it have to be something I _haven't_ done?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, yeah, we all know of your great prowess in the field, Harkness." Owens quickly retorted, accompanied by a mock sigh.

"It's not my fault that I'm irrejectable." Jack stretched and winked back at him, which actually made Owen squirm just a little bit.

A snigger came from the Doctors location. "Oh, he isn't always quite as successful as he likes to portray... Why, I remember this one time on Jericho-5..."

"Hey, how was I supposed to know that was taboo?" Jack quickly said, looking quite innocent in spite of his self-satisfied smirk.

"They took it as an official declaration of war Jack!" The Doctor nearly shouted, but his big grin took the edge of irritation clean off.

Toshiko sputtered and coughed from the other side of the table.

"Well, there was this high-priest and I..." he started to explain.

Ianto quickly cut him off. "Aaaanyway, I do believe it was your turn Jack?"

"Right! Umm... I've never..." Jack started, absently stroking his jaw while evidently thinking hard.

Gwen reached across the table to grab another beer, clumsily knocking over a bottle of Tom Collins in the process. Before she could fumble it back upright however, there was a big red pool dripping off the edge of the table.

"Let me." The Doctor quickly produced a large white and blue striped towel from a pocket somewhere and started wiping the spilled liquid off the table. "Always carry a towel." He absently stated, looking like it was some kind of internal joke.

Ianto laughed heartily and raised his beer in a cheer.

Gwens mouth dropped open and she stared at the Doctor and the towel in turn. "How did you..? Where did..? You're like Houdini!" she finally stated and pointed at the towel and his coat pocket.

This caused Rose to burst out laughing. "Oh, he certainly _isn't_! Harry was loads better! He…" she said, pointing at the Doctor. "is just cheating." She winked. "Bigger on the inside, those pockets. He nearly fell into his coat once. I kid you not!"

Of course Gwen didn't believe that last bit, but she laughed at the absurdity of it nevertheless.

Soon thereafter the Doctor and Tosh were deep in discussion over whether or not Myfanwy could be a Vortisaur, or at least partly. "I've had one once, you know. Called him Ramsey." Tosh spent the next fifteen minutes totally engrossed in a story of time warriors and riding dinosaurs (excuse me; vortisaurs). He even said something about training them to sniff out chronal distortions.

--

At the end of a long night Jack gracefully offered the pair of guests to use the invisible lift when departing, mostly just to show off, the Doctor suspected.

--

They stepped off the lift and crossed the Plass, holding hands and swinging them slightly.

"Actually, Rose…" The Doctor said. "It does count. You did have a threesome. At least in regards to the temporal physics involved."

"What, and you didn't then?" Her brow furled. "Because I sharply recall someone being very friendly with each other while I was in the shower. And that don't count, does it?" Rose had her tongue sticking out, smiling at that particular memory. It had been quite the show.

"Technically, nope. Has to be with another person, you know. Past-me doesn't count." He was sporting his most self-satisfied smug grin, head tilted slightly up, just continuing the stroll towards the Millennium Centre.

The Doctor paused momentarily when they passed a banded off area, some small roadwork or something. He snatched up an orange pointy object from the ground with his free hand before continuing towards the TARDIS.

"It's not a good night unless you get a traffic cone." He murmured happily.

"What?" Rose asked, looking confused.

"Oh, never mind. Just something a friend of mine used to say." The Doctor waved off her question with the cone while rummaging around his coat pocket for his TARDIS key. "You've met some of his relatives actually. On New Earth." He said as they sauntered in, closing the blue door firmly behind them.

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**A/N:** Points for figuring out which fanfics are referred to, as well as which two fandoms (other then DW and TW) got mentioned.


End file.
